Ok gang I tried the gourmet hot dogs and there is much to discuss. However, in the spirit of weirdness and food criticism I must go on a tangent. Have any of you heard of Report of the Week? Its a YouTube series hosted by a weird kid affectionately known online as Reviewbrah. Reviewbrah always sports a slick backed ‘do and one of his dad’s suits to review the greasiest fast food. Seriously. He’s parks himself in front of a web cam and scarfs down burgers, pizza, and other assorted junk. While stuffing his face he analyzes his meal using no established criteria before giving what he ate an arbitrary rating. He seems to have little to no knowledge of math either as he will give something a rating of 7.5 which he then refers to as average.
I realize it sounds like I am making fun of this guy (ok, I am a little) but I love his videos. They are oddly compelling and my favorite thing to watch besides batshit insane conspiracy stuff. Here’s a link to my favorite installment. He eats hot wings that are almost his undoing. Report of the Week
Now back to the wieners! They came in a box which was fun and definitely made my feel fancier. However, the box provoked my ire because on top were the words “prepare to smile.” Ugh. A perfect example of schmaltzy nonsense pandering that I can not stand. I turned the box over to check out the cooking instructions and they had some for a microwave. I don’t know what makes something gourmet exactly but I do know microwaves are not involved.
Speaking of which has anyone reading this priced a microwave lately? They can be pretty fucking expensive. I did a quick search earlier and found one for $1,000. That’s insane! I think the only way I might pay that much is a guarantee that no matter what buttons I press my food always comes out perfect. The other side of the coin is you can buy an electric range for $300 which I would take any day of the week over a microwave in terms of practicality (full disclosure: I’ve live microwave free since my grad school days)
Another tangent I know, so I’ll wrap this up. They were pretty good for a tube of processed meat. They were pretty damn big which was nice. Not Peter North donger big but thicker than your average Oscar Meyer. I would say they are an excellent value for the money but I didn’t pay anything for them. They could have been awful and I’d have come out ahead. Anyways, in the spirit of Reviewbrah I give them an average score of 7.3.