The best article I’ve found online recently is “The Fast and Furious Death of Paul Walker.”
It starts out sane enough recapping the events of Walker’s death in 2013 (in case the title didn’t give it away). For those of you who don’t know the Fast and the Furious star died when the Porsche he was riding in crashed and burst into flames. This is about as coherent as the piece gets before going completely off the rails. Although in the spirit of fairness I should mention the ratio of craziness to entertainment value parallel one another throughout the piece.
The article references reports that speed may have been a factor in the crash. CNN reported their car was going between 80 and 95 mph before plowing into a copse of trees. This reasonable explanation of events is immediately overshadowed by conspiracy which anyone who has spent time online knows is always lurking right around the corner (CNN).
Some believe that cast and crew of the Fast and Furious franchise had been intimidated by various federal agencies because their films revealed too much about secret government operations. Others believe Walker was planning to tell the world about tainted vaccines used in the Philippines.
My favorite conspiracy about his death though has to do with the crypto-currency Bitcoin. The tinfoil hat crowd alleges that Walker a huge investor in Bitcoin dumping $40 million of his own money into the initiative. Now the conspiracy is that Bitcoin could potentially derail the Illuminati by disrupting their lifeblood, the Federal Reserve banking system. There are however a couple of problems with this thesis. First is an article from The daily Mail stating that Walker left his $25 million fortune to his daughter (Daily Mail). I can’t say with certainly but I have a hard time believing Walker invested more money than he possessed in a quasi-legitimate currency. Secondly, if the Illuminati exists and is all powerful they could probably manipulate the Bitcoin market and protect their precious Federal Reserve banking system.
Now we get to the really crazy stuff.
I found this article on the website of Donald Marshall. Who is Donald Marshall you ask? He’s some dude who identifies as a former Illuminati insider. He also claims to be a clone and was involved in top-secret cloning operations which are different than your typical day-to-day cloning operations.
Marshall claims that all celebrities, politicians and world leaders have to agree to join the Illuminati. I have to admit this does make sense because I have yet to achieve a modicum of fame. This entire time I thought it was because I’m a hack but it was the Illuminati all along! I also find it amusing that all world leaders are part of the Illuminati including the incompetent dunderheads running the show in failed nations like Sudan and Haiti.
Marshall continues that elite scientists (not the idiots mind you) use their cloning centers to clone Illuminati members and bring them to these cloning centers at night. Like I’ve said several times already I love this article but we’re getting to my favorite part, and I was honestly near tears as I read this.
THE CLONES MEET IN A HOCKEY ARENA!!!
This is so fucking stupid its brilliant. While sitting in the stands they discuss politics, global events, and watch as terrible things happen to innocent people. I used play hockey as a kid. I can’t help but wonder if any clones were watching my pee-wee games.
Marshall continues on to inform the reader that clones wake up in this arena when their real bodies sleep at night. In addition he saw Paul Walker at the hockey arena the night after his death! Pretty big scoops throughout this work. How something managed to unnoticed by the big news networks I’ll never know. If you’re interested in learning more you can read the article in its entirety here: The Fast and Furious Death of Paul Walker