Have you guys ever experienced a surreal moment that made you ask how you wound up there? Like what events had to line up in the universe to make something possible? I had a couple of them this past week.

The first one happened Thursday at work. I was setting up a light kit for a photo shoot in the Secretary of the Army’s office which in itself isn’t too extraordinary. The strange thing was I had to play it cool because I had split my pants and didn’t want to draw attention to myself. You don’t know what being thankful is until you’re in the civilian head of the Army’s chambers and you aren’t free-balling that day.

My other other-worldly moment was Sunday morning. I had to wake up in the middle of the night to get ready for the inauguration parade rehearsal. I had to report at 2:30 AM for a parade which started six hours later and its moments like that which make you wonder what you’re really doing with your life.

My day didn’t get much better from there. I spent most of my day waiting for the parade to start, and once it did I was assigned to take photos of the rehearsal. I appreciated the opportunity to get a glimpse of what I should expect on the actual day but the entire time I couldn’t help but wonder who would give a shit about the rehearsal years in the future. I have to imagine only a nerd among nerds could possess even the slightest inkling of interest in the matter.

There were a few brief interesting moments that broke up the monotony. A bum eating a cold can of Chef Boyardee arrived on the scene. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world and I was briefly envious of his life because he was free to wander the earth while I was trapped on a street corner. However, that faded quickly once he turned around and I saw his pants were torn apart ass cheek to ankle. He spent the next hour aping a military drill team using his umbrella in lieu of a rifle. I was impressed by his dedication to his craft and his resilience to the cold.

Another interesting thing was the (stupid) lengths people were going through to simulate the actual day. For instance someone was needed to stand in for the president at the reviewing stand. Makes sense right? Well apparently the powers that be demanded that individual had to be the same height and age which is idiotic. Why bother? You could just get a cardboard cutout and call it a day.

Lastly I met a couple of people involved with coordinating the inaugural festivities. They were a couple of kids who apparently had worked on the campaign. I have gone on the record as saying I think young people who go this hard in politics are absolutely insane and are secretly adverse to growing up and ever touching a boob (or their preferred piece of anatomy, consensually of course). That’s not to say you shouldn’t be involved but politics is such a wretched world it seems to waste the best years of your life on it. Anyways sorry about the rant. What I wanted to mention that one of these kids’ names was Whitehouse. Isn’t that incredible?

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