The other day I was thumbing through The Express when I came across an interesting little nubbin’ of a story (for those of you fortunate enough not to live in the greater DC metro area The Express is a little paper published by the Washington Post to entertain commuters).

A sailor stationed in Norfolk sailor was recently sentenced to 11 years in the slammer for trying to hire a hit man to kill his estranged wife. While I imagine most people would be abhorred to read this I couldn’t help but chuckle. I certainly don’t think trying to have someone killed is funny, but I had to laugh because it took me back to my military days when I was surrounded by degenerates doing degenerate things (and yes that includes attempted murder).

I don’t give it much more thought and later busting my hump in the officewhen I get a text from an old Navy pal. I think we can all agree its a pleasant surprise whenever we hear from a friend unexpectedly right? Anyways, she sent me a link to a story about a sailor producing kiddie porn. Why would she send this to me out of the blue? Because he was an old shipmate of ours!

I wish I could say this was an isolated incident but unfortunately this turd nugget was the third juvenile Hugh Hefner I encountered during my time in service (ironically and creepily enough one of them taught me photography). Scratch that. He’s the third I know about! Who knows how many more of these wretched stories will emerge before I’ve shed my mortal coil?

I’m sharing this story for two reasons. The first is I enjoy sharing amusing albeit disgusting anecdotes about those I’ve crossed paths with. Also, while I don’t necessarily advocate public shaming I usually will make an exception for pedophiles. I know that’s a scorched earth tactic but so be it. I don’t have time for their despicable behavior or any excuses resulting in said despicable behavior.

My second reason for sharing this story is to provide a lesson in hero worship particularly in regards to the military. Before I go any further I want to point out that there are many fine people in the military. Definitely more decent people than kid fuckers by a wide margin. Yes I often (OK nearly constantly) mention I’ve never met more weirdos than during my five years as an enlisted sailor but being a weirdo doesn’t make you a bad person. However I do get tired of people kissing someone’s ass just because they wear a uniform. I hated when people would fawn over me when I wore mine. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect the individual but I’m not automatically going to worship someone as a god king either. I share these stories as an example of why you judge the individual based on their actions instead of what’s on the surface. I realize this is cliché and sounds even more patronizing coming from someone who writes often about turds and other stupidity.

This is just one man’s take though, and please don’t crucify me if you have a different opinion. I’m sorry this article has been such a downer. To make it up to you the reader I’ll share a story about an oddball on the train this afternoon. A tall lanky fellow boarded wearing a Louis Vuitton purse backpack and a hat with a pair of breasts drawn on it. THIS IS THE SECOND GUY I’VE ENCOUNTERED ON THE DC METRO WEARING A TIT HAT SINCE I’VE MOVED HERE!!! Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?


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