I happened to turn on the news this evening at the perfect time. There was a story about some old guy whose house had been hit by a car…for the fifth time! The old guy had been sleeping on a couch in his basement a car plowed into his living room. When the old man was interviewed about the incident he replied “When he crashed into the wall, I said, damn, another car hit my house!”

This gentleman’s story caught my eye for a couple of reasons. Its not funny that he’s had to rebuild his house five times (OK, that’s a lie because in a vacuum its pretty hilarious), but I am obsessed with weird news. Stories about people hitting buildings with their cars are surprisingly common but nearly always amusing.

The other thing that drew me to this story was how much I could relate to it. During my navy days I had a room in a barracks building. It was pretty nice because living on a ship sucks ass since your living space on a warship amounts to little more than a shelf with an uncomfortable mattress and some second rate bedding.

Anyways one time the ship and I got underway for about a week or so. An underway is a short period of time when a ship goes to sea for no particular reason other than to burn gas and make big circles in the ocean. Well when we got back in port I wandered down to the hangar bay to check my phone messages and there was a doozie waiting. Some lady informed me my building had been hit by a car and while everything was fine I still had to move. Definitely not news you want to hear immediately after being incommunicado for several days but I took it in stride. Later that day I left the ship and headed home anxious to see what the fuss was about. I got to my building and where there was once a wall is now a big ol’ piece of plywood. Pictured:



Intrigued I entered and the scene only got better (sarcasm). My bedroom looked like a bomb had exploded because there were pieces of bricks and fiberglass insulation everywhere. “How is this fine?” I remember saying out loud to no one in particular.

It could have been worse of course. This could have happened while I was home. If that had been the case, and I managed to survive, I imagine at best I would have pooped my pants in from sheer terror. I don’t know if the old man pooped himself. If he had they neglected to mention that on the news. They did mention that this old guy had bowled two 300 games in his lifetime and I was very impressed by that.

I couldn’t find the video where the old man mentions his bowling accomplishments but this one is excellent regardless:



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