Anyone who has met my dad knows he’s…interesting. Yes, that’s the word I’ll use to describe him. I could tell many a story about his eccentricities for but now I am going to discuss his love of kayaking.

Love is perhaps an understatement. The man has a diamond hard boner for being out on the water. He discovered his passion about 15 years back and hasn’t shut-up about it since. Seriously. He has an uncanny knack for bringing any conversation back to the subject. For instance you could throw something out there about how awful the civil war in Syria is, and his response would be a comment about how there isn’t anywhere to launch a boat in Aleppo. Its uncanny. I’ll be honest at first it was pretty annoying but he’s made it an art form and now I have a begrudging respect for his ability.

The old man is also a fanatic when it comes to proselytizing. Anyone who happens to be suckered into a conversation with him is likely to be cajoled out on the water. It doesn’t matter who they are. Family members and lifelong friends are as likely to be subjected to this treatment as a hobo panhandling for change.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m glad he’s got a healthy hobby. The old man is retired and this is a much better use of his time than a myriad of other things. However, his obsession gets a bit ridiculous. For example, here is his new shower curtain:

shower-curtain

 

He is immensely is proud of this…thing. Have I mentioned my father is 68 going on 13?

Continuing with the theme of impregnating every facet of his life with kayaking shit the other day he ordered a kayak duvet cover. However, what he received was this:

toni-braxton

Despite not being what he ordered its nonetheless incredible for what I hope are obvious reasons. Just look at that thing! Everything about it is so wrong and I’m struggling to name what I love the most about it (although I’m leaning towards the smiley face emoji). The only thing funnier than my father receiving this by mistake is that it exists at all and could be ordered. Just thinking about someone ordering this unironically has me cracking up.

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