Well gang today was President’s Day. I don’t know how you guys spent yours but much of mine was spent at George Washington’s palatial Mount Vernon estate.

I wasn’t there to pay my respects rather it was I who was getting paid. Overtime baby! The high and mighty greenback was the motivation I needed to get off the couch on a federal holiday, but I’m glad I took the initiative because it was a pretty interesting experience.

My day began at Washington’s tomb. I don’t particularly care for tombs and/or cemeteries. They creep me out and today was no exception. I was a little overwhelmed knowing that roughly 15 feet away old George’s withered desiccated husk was lying in state. Making matters more surreal was the constant parade of people who came by to see the place. I have no idea if this is typical but today there were approximately a zillion middle schoolers in attendance. I enjoyed silently judging them as they walked by. Most of these kids were dorks wearing dumb clothes and acting like goons. Of course I’m aware I was the same way at that age with one very important exception. Several of these little snots were wearing MAGA hats and I never would have been caught dead in one. I wanted to slap them but to be fair not entirely for their fashion choices. Whether they realized it or not they were making a political statement and while I’m willing to humor a tween’s political opinion I don’t really give a shit about what they think. They aren’t paying taxes, can’t vote, or go to war so I have no problem writing them off (these rules apply to adults as well). Also, I tend to not be impressed by the deep thoughts of someone whose only had seven years of formal education. Fuck tweens wearing MAGA hats!

Anyways, enough lecturing I’ll step down from my soapbox. A general laid a wreath at the Washington’s sarcophagus and afterward I went to photograph him giving a speech. He spoke of George in such reverential terms I had to roll my eyes at times, and to call some of his remarks hyperbole would be an understatement. In spite of all that it wasn’t a bad speech but I had to draw the line when he spoke about #1 prez’s respect for his fellow man. I guess he didn’t realize the stage was literally a hundred or so feet from former slave quarters. I should have known better though because George is now more myth than a man, and every kid in the country has been brought up to believe he did no wrong. The speech did with a bang though…literally. There was .a 21 musket volley. The gunshots were met with the wailing of children taken by surprise, and I laughed because I’m a terrible person.

The next event on the docket was a combat demonstration performed by the Old Guard, the Army’s ceremonial unit. I have seen these guys perform on a few occasions and they are pretty fun to watch. They are excellent at drill, and their outfits are something to behold. They dress as old-timey continental soldiers powdered wigs and all. I enjoyed watching them shoot more guns (including a cannon!) and scaring the shit out of more kids before heading home

Later I went angling and caught my first fish of the year. Thanks to human induced climate change it was in the mid-60s and I figure I might at least enjoy the day before our planet is completely destroyed. All in all this was probably the most productive President’s Day of my life.


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