Hey gang did you hear about this guy in China who had a bit of trouble with an eel? Apparently he inserted one into his anus as a folk remedy for constipation. The eel burrowed its way through his intestines and found its way into his abdominal cavity causing extensive trauma.

Honestly I feel bad for this guy. Can you imagine being so backed up you’re willing to let an eel crawl up your own ass in hope of finding relief? The story goes on to mention that said eel’s head was the size of a ping-pong ball, so not only is that thing wiggling around but it had to force its way into what I would imagine is a relatively tight opening (certainly smaller than a ping-pong ball right?).

The article concludes mentioning that last year another man in China was admitted to the hospital after letting an eel slither up his colon for sexual pleasure. You can read about the entire sordid affair here: http://www.scmp.com/news/china/society/article/2088857/chinese-doctors-remove-live-eel-constipated-mans-stomach-after

If you’ve read this far you’re probably wondering why am I telling you about this. No reason to be honest. I don’t really have a connection to this story other than I think eels are kind of neat when they aren’t being stuck in asses. I used to work at a Petco and my co-workers and I used to amuse ourselves by feeding one goldfish.

I also went to the National Aquarium in Baltimore and there were plenty of eels on display. I visited with my sister and spent a bulk of my time making eel related puns for the amusement of those lucky enough to be standing around me. Walking past the…eel-ectric…eel tank I wondered aloud whether the person who discovered them had a bad…eel-ing…about what they had just caught. Later we past a tank with a moray in it, and according to the information placard they can grow to be 8 feet long.

“Wow,” I said “they sure are…eel-ongated. I bet stretched out end to end they could reach my…c-eel-ing!”

Hilarious I know. Anyways that’s my eel story, and I know I’ve hit upon this point repeatedly but I can not say it enough…don’t stick one in your ass.


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