Well gang I spent my weekend in Baltimore watching baseball. My beloved Chicago White Sox played a three game series against the hometown O’s and I figured I might as well stay for the duration. It turned out to be a mixed blessing because Friday and Saturday night the Sox were competitive and they seemed to be building momentum towards a win on Sunday. I was hoping they would get over the hump for a win, but I was wrong and they shit the bed instead. 

The games were fairly uneventful except for Friday night’s when I got quite drunk. I got my food to booze ratio wrong and ended up paying for it. I wish I could say that’s never happened before but that would be a lie. During my Navy days I went to a game with a buddy who must have smuggled a dozen beers into the park. It seemed like every time I turned around he had a fresh beer waiting for me, and by the end of the evening I was so drunk Bill Cosby would have been concerned for my safety. The game seemed like it was over in about 10 minutes and later that evening I was yakking up peanut bits on the streets of Fells Point.

Saturday morning was a repeat performance of this sordid moment from my past. However, my weekend was more than barfing and baseball. Here is a list of some of the exciting things I experienced during my lost weekend:

1. I went to the kinetic sculpture race Saturday in Patterson Park. It wasn’t a race in the traditional sense but more of a demonstration. The kinetic sculptures were mechanized abominations built by engineers and other mechanically minded individuals and paraded around for the adoring public. Some of the designs included: a cow wearing a space suit, a crocodile, and an enormous sandwich.

2. A friend recommended visiting the Walters Art Museum. I took their advice and was glad I did because it was great. They had a ton of taxidermy which I always enjoy. There were several suits of armor and old-timey weapons which are always a treat to see. Probably the most exotic thing I came across was a child mummy enclosed in the cutest little sarcophagus you had ever seen.

3. I stayed in a hostel because I’m cheap and low maintenance. I was surprised by how may people were staying there because when I think about Baltimore I don’t immediately think tourist destination for young people. The more I thought about it though I realized most people are probably passing through like me and/or are headed to BWI. Regardless, there were some interesting characters and that what’s important. In my experience hostels always have guests that are asleep the entire time they are there and this was no exception. There are also people who are not mindful of others at all and leave their shit spread out everywhere. I don’t expect luggage to be stowed away but personal items and other bullshit can be put in a locker. By far the weirdest guy I came across though was the oddball sharing my room who slept fully dressed (including ball cap and shoes).

4. Finally, while walking around town I came across some random oddness. If anyone wants to see a truly terrifying Holocaust memorial then Baltimore is the place for you because it is home to an enormous sculpture of a fireball with skeletons peeking out among the flames. I’ve seen it several times before but it never gets any easier (which I suppose is the point). While walking to the stadium Saturday evening I came across a pillar of society taking a whiz in the doorway of a Walgreen’s. I was impressed by his audacity since the sun was out and it was a heavily trafficked thoroughfare. Last but certainly not least I came across a Toynbee tile and was more excited than any grown man should be about coming across a piece of linoleum with gibberish on it. (If you’re not familiar with Toynbee tiles I’ve written about them before https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/04/toynbee-tiles/)


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