Well gang Facebook was nice enough to remind me that a year ago I was briefly the subject of a police manhunt in my hometown of Rockford, Illinois. 

Yessir, I’ll never forget that day. I was in basement watching the Deadpool  movie like a good little nerd when my phone rang. It was my brother-in-law’s sister calling me which was odd but not entirely unexpected. We weren’t particularly close but she was thinking about joining the military and would text when she had any questions about my experience.

That wasn’t on the agenda though. She was a sheriff’s deputy and wanted to know what kind of car I drove and if I had just been in a certain part of town. I told her I had, and then I politely asked her what the fuck this was all about.

Then she let me have it. There was an all points bulletin out for me, and the cops might stop by to question me about a police shooting a few days before.

As you can probably imagine I didn’t expect this. I certainly hadn’t shot any cop. I started to think she was fucking with me because the day before I found out I would be moving to Washington, DC for work. I assumed my brother in law was getting her to play a trick on me. We were on the phone for about twenty minutes before I decided she was on the level.

Once I realized she wasn’t messing around I started to freak out. I was just hired for a federal job and I would have to pass a security screening, and the last thing I needed was to be accused of being a cop killer.

She hung up eventually and I just sat there in disbelief. I knew I hadn’t shot a cop but it was still a surreal moment that took me a while to come to terms with. Later in the day she called me back to inform me the Johnny law realized the error of their ways.

A couple days later my rogue doppelganger ran into law enforcement and was hosed down during a gun fight. The heat was officially off and my brief career as a cop killer had officially over.




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