OK gang the other day I wrote about weird news and today I’m doing it again. Also, just like last time this piece also has a theme…weird sex!
1. Our first story comes to us from York, Pennsylvania where a couple were caught having oral sex in the dining room of a local McDonalds. An employee came (no pun intended) upon the amorous couple and kicked them out. The most amazing part of this story to me is that it happened at one in the afternoon during what I have to assume is the lunch rush. How did these folks not expect to be be caught? Also, its one thing to desire getting a beej while out on the town, but another entirely to convince someone else to go along!
2. More public sex! This time the humping took place in Kent, Washington. A couple were getting it on their parked car near a busy intersection. These lovebirds also had the audacity to do the deed in the middle of the day, and I wish I could say this was the weirdest part of the story but I’d be lying.
Witnesses describe a male as having his pants down and his genitals exposed. His partner, a lady, was said to be largely naked. I have no idea what largely naked means. Wearing nothing but socks? Pasties? The police believe the man was in possession of PCP which explains a lot. The woman had a history of indecent exposure including showing the cops her naughty bits (something someone that is largely naked is won’t to do), and even stripped naked after being put in a jail cell.
That still isn’t the weirdest thing about this incident though When police arrived on the scene this seasoned exhibionist pulled a dandelion from her vagina. Can you imagine? I don’t care how jaded those cops were I guarantee they’ve never seen anything like that before. Had I been the arresting officer I might have died of shock…or laughter.
3. Here’s a fun story coming from Michigan about a man who loves cars. Literally. This youngster has a fetish he calls cranking that involves removing a car’s spark plug wires making vehicle run roughly which causes him sexual pleasure. If that isn’t bizarre enough here’s another fun fact…he’s a former Republican candidate for a Michigan House seat.
4. Our last story is a two parter with the first installment comes to us from sunny Florida. A dolphin at SeaWorld is pregnant, and there’s nothing strange about that right? WRONG! Apparently this dolphin was on birth control. If you’re like me you had no idea dolphin birth control was a thing. I did some online snooping but couldn’t find any information about dolphin birth control to my chagrin. I imagine dolphin handlers use a chemical to prevent birth but I like to imagine its actually an apparatus such as an enormous IUD. Also, the thought of dolphin birth control made me think about dolphin periods and how gross it would be to be one their trainers and swimming around in their tank while Flipper was menstruating.
The second half of this story is about NFL player Antonio Cromartie. You might be asking yourself how you can go from dolphin periods to professional football and I can’t blame you but allow me to explain. Cromartie just sired his 14th child which is extreme even by professional athlete standards. The weird thing is kids 12 through 14 were conceived after Cromartie had a vasectomy. Personally, I would have had the vasectomy about 10 kids earlier but I’m not making NFL money either.
Anyways, I was inspired to learn a bit more about vasectomies and what I found out was there is always a chance (albeit a very small one) they don’t take. Also, someone who has a vasectomy is supposed to return to their doctor at a future date to make sure the procedure worked. If I had one piece of advice for Cromartie it would probably be to pour wax down your urethra until your penis looked like a Maker’s Mark bottle before you procreate again. Anyways, for more information on the subject (from a source more reputable than my ramblings) I recommend this link: