Well gang my Memorial Day was rather interesting. I spent my holiday covering big events at Arlington National Cemetery. First thing that morning I was at JFK’s grave site to photograph a wreath laying ceremony. Apparently it was his 100th birthday. Who knew?
From there I sauntered to the top of the hill to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier for another wreath laying, and the biggest photoshoot of my career. The top dog himself, Trump, was going to lay a wreath at the tomb and little ol’ me would be following him around snapping away.
I have photographed Trump before but from afar, and I’m not going to lie I was a bit nervous. I read he didn’t want John Bolton as Secretary of State because of his mustache and I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t erupt when my yuge beard was in his vicinity. However like Sen. Elizabeth Warren I persisted and took some damn good photos if I do say so myself.
It was mission accomplished…or so I thought. I was gathering up my gear preparing to head back to the office to edit my images when my co-worker pounced on me. She informed me that the White House was requesting all of our images and needed them pronto. I thought this was odd and little did I know it was about to get stranger. Soon after one of the women who does public relations at Arlington Natl Cemetery called us with her hair on fire. She was hooting and hollering about how Ft. Meyer police (Ft. Meyer straddles Arlington Natl. Cemetery for all you non DC-ians) needed our photos and it was a matter of national security.
I knew there was no way this was a matter of national security but I humored her. A peon such as myself probably wouldn’t be involved in a security crisis(this is real life not some shitty espionage movie). Secondly, the cemetery was crawling with secret service leading up to the event, and letting in a possible terrorist would be a colossal fuck up even for this administration. Regardless I got her the requested imagery in a timely manner and my team and I were left wondering what the emergency was. I figured I might never know either…
BUT I WAS WRONG! I got to work today and my boss sent me a very interesting link. Apparently there was some pervert at the cemetery Monday who groped a young lady during the ceremony. While I can’t condone groping anyone this act was especially repulsive and outrageous. Imagine being such a degenerate you couldn’t resist the urge to cop a feel on an unsuspecting stranger in the middle of a ceremony honoring your nation’s war dead! Even John Waters would think that was tasteless.
Anyways, here’s the link to the story if you’re interested in learning more. Also, familiarize yourself with the suspect’s photo in case you run into this slime on the street. Finally, I want it on the record that there is no evidence that supports these acts were inspired by being in the presence of our pussy-grabber-in-chief.